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I just finished up and definitely relate to your point. I do feel that Barbra asserts herself by taking the life she wants and living it to extent she knows how. While she didn't leave Charles she did set out to marry him and start a new life in a pretty bold way. The exchange with Leo and Graham at the end was pretty fantastic and proves she's made of stronger stuff than them. I don't think choosing to stay with a partner is anti-faminitiest but not having a choice is. Barbra definitely loved Charles and they had a lot in common even if their marriage wasn't always perfect (using all their chances).
This being said I loved Graces character and her journey over the trip. I would read a book about what happens next from her POV. Siana... at least she made a choice at the end or at least believes she did. I don't know what to feel about that arch just yet. I've babbled enough though!
Thanks for a good topic!