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One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter by Scaachi Koul
Essays

One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter

Debut

We love supporting debut authors. Congrats, Scaachi Koul, on your first book!

by Scaachi Koul

Quick take

In her debut, Koul tackles regular essay collection stuff'”meditations on relationships, family, identity '“ but the best part of it is that she’s funny as sh*t.

Why I love it

An essay collection hinges entirely on the voice of its author, so let me characterize Scaachi Koul's: rude, angry, sometimes crass, always fiercely intelligent and hilarious. In her debut, Koul tackles regular essay collection stuff'”meditations on relationships, family, identity '“ but the best part of it is that she’s funny as sh*t.

I laughed out loud on a dozen occasions throughout this book, from her descriptions of a torturously long five-day family wedding in Jammu to stranger details. For instance, Koul refers to her boyfriend affectionately as "Hamhock," a 'œsweet, precious moron'; she hides packets of sweet-and-sour sauce in her bra. One essay starts with this line: 'œLike farts and the incorrect retellings of classic literature, racism is a lot cuter when it comes out of a little girl.'

Koul was raised in Alberta, Canada, her Kashmiri parents having immigrated from India. She writes often about her family, and if there’s a strong thread that runs through the book, it’s one of lineage. Koul has inherited parents’ anxieties and fears, the baggage that comes with being born brown.

Beyond the personal, some essays cover topics about the larger evils of the world. For instance, 'œMute' details the Twitter backlash Koul experienced when she encouraged non-white, non-male people to contribute to BuzzFeed (where Koul works). Alt-right poster-boy Milo Yiannopoulos sent his followers after her, which turned into a terrifying flood of rape and death threats. Learning about her experience firsthand will make you shiver and want to lock your virtual internet twitter deadbolt door. Koul reveals a core truth about Internet trolls: 'œwhat they say to me online is the purest distillation of the rage they feel.'

But the most powerful essay in the book is 'œHunting Season,' which illuminates the way men prey on women. We're talking about observation on the most primal level. 'œMen watch women at the gym, at work, on the subway: in any space occupied by men and women, the women are being watched,' Koul writes. The perils of course are steepest at the bar: as Koul says, 'œWhen a guy asks to buy you a drink, suggest he buy you a snack instead and see how that goes over.'

In the end, it becomes clear the title of the book is a bit of a joke. One day we will all be dead, but after reading Koul's essays, you'll recognize that these things do matter. They matter so damn much.

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Member ratings (2,949)

  • Priscilla M.

    San Jose , CA

    Growing up fat, brown girl seemed to come w/ more downs than ups, but books like this remind me how hilariously normal so much of my anxieties were. We’re just #awkwardbrowngirls doing the best we can

  • Denise S.

    Berkeley, CA

    I really enjoyed this book. As the child of European immigrant parents there was a lot that I could relate to. There's also a lot to learn about her perspective of this experience as a woman of color.

  • Amyna D.

    Houston, TX

    Brown girl 2nd gen Indian-American me had so much to relate with this book, it was perfect. The tone was just what I needed. This hit home and also made me literally laugh out loud and go "SO TRUE OMG

  • Katie J.

    Chicago, IL

    Koul is my humor hero! Whether she is confronting social issues, clashing with her family and traditions, or commenting on the small misfortunes in life, she offers wisdom underscored by on-point wit.

  • Stephanie A.

    Portland, OR

    This is a beautiful, honest memoir in the form of short stories full of embarrassing (yet so very relatable!) personal disclosures, dripping satire, and painfully awkward family interactions. Love it!