Contemporary fiction
The Collected Regrets of Clover
Debut
We love supporting debut authors. Congrats, Mikki Brammer, on your first book!
Quick take
Prepare to shed a couple tears for this moving, inspirational story about a death doula learning not to fear living.
Good to know
Romance
Inspirational
Roadtrip
NYC
Synopsis
What’s the point of giving someone a beautiful death if you can’t give yourself a beautiful life?
From the day she watched her kindergarten teacher drop dead during a dramatic telling of Peter Rabbit, Clover Brooks has felt a stronger connection with the dying than she has with the living. After the beloved grandfather who raised her dies alone while she is traveling, Clover becomes a death doula in New York City, dedicating her life to ushering people peacefully through their end-of-life process.
Clover spends so much time with the dying that she has no life of her own, until the final wishes of a feisty old woman send Clover on a trip across the country to uncover a forgotten love story—and perhaps, her own happy ending. As she finds herself struggling to navigate the uncharted roads of romance and friendship, Clover is forced to examine what she really wants, and whether she’ll have the courage to go after it.
Probing, clever, and hopeful, The Collected Regrets of Clover turns the normally taboo subject of death into a reason to celebrate life.
Free sample
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The Collected Regrets of Clover
1
The first time I watched someone die, I was five.
Mr. Hyland, my kindergarten teacher, was a cheerful, tubby man whose shiny scalp and perfectly round face reminded me of the moon. One afternoon, my classmates and I sat cross-legged on the scratchy carpet in front of him, enthralled by his theatrical telling of Peter Rabbit. I remember how his meaty thighs spilled over the edges of the child-sized wooden chair he sat on. His cheeks were rosier than usual, but who could blame him for getting excited over a good Beatrix Potter plot?
As the story reached its climax—when Peter Rabbit lost his jacket fleeing the evil Mr. McGregor—Mr. Hyland stopped, as if pausing for emphasis. We stared up at him, hearts thumping with anticipation. But instead of resuming his narration, he made a sound similar to a hiccup, eyes bulging.
Then, like a felled redwood tree, he toppled to the ground.
We all sat motionless, wide-eyed, unsure if our beloved teacher was just upping the ante on his usual dramatic storytelling. When he hadn’t moved after several minutes—not even to blink his open eyes—the room erupted with squeals of panic from everyone.
Everyone except for me, that is.
I moved close enough to Mr. Hyland to hear the final push of air from his lungs. As the pandemonium echoed down the hall and other teachers rushed into the classroom, I sat beside him, holding his hand calmly as the last blush of red disappeared from his face.
The school recommended I get counseling following the “incident.” But my parents, who were more than a little self-absorbed, noted no significant change in my behavior. They bought me an ice cream, patted me on the head, and—reasoning that I’d always been slightly odd—judged me to be fine.
Mostly, I was fine. But I’ve wondered ever since what Mr. Hyland would have liked his last words to be if they hadn’t been about the antics of a particularly naughty rabbit.
Why I love it
Elizabeth Aaron
BOTM Editorial Team
I’m the type of person who doesn’t buy myself flowers because the thought of them dying in my apartment makes me unbearably sad. So a book all about death and grief wouldn’t typically be my first choice. But Mikki Brammer takes the world’s scariest subject and makes it life-affirming and so full of real emotion I couldn’t help but fall in love with this story.
Clover Brooks works as a death doula, helping people reach the end of their lives with dignity and respect. As someone who sits at many bedsides, it’s not death that scares her—it’s the regrets the dying leave behind. In her quest to avoid having any regrets at all, she ends up avoiding just about everything and anyone that could make life exciting. But those closest and most fond of Clover see her in all her beautiful complexity no matter how hard she tries to hide herself, teaching her in the process that beginnings can be just as important as endings.
I went into this book knowing it would probably make me cry (spoiler: it did). But I wasn’t expecting to reach the end full of hope and excitement at being a human in this big, messy world. The Collected Regrets of Clover is a debut novel that serves as an important reminder that grief and love are two sides of the same coin, and life would be far less meaningful without both.
Member ratings (12,530)
Caroline F.
Lakeville , MN
4.5⭐️ While some aspects of the story felt a little lacking, the overall messages really hit home. I feel I could reread it & enjoy, which is always a requirement for a rating of “loved” or over 4⭐️
Gina D.
Santa Monica, CA
“Be cautiously reckless” “Without mystery, there is no magic” “And instead of constantly asking ourselves, a question of why were here, maybe we should be savoring the simpler truth: we are here”
Laurena M.
Cumberland, RI
What a beautifully written story with with so much life advice weaved it. This book gave me so much to think about and I imagine that I will be taking these thoughts with me for a very long time. ❤️❤️
Susanne T.
Bird City, KS
Having a hard time deciding between “liked” or “loved”! Started liking it, but felt it was a slow build. I got about to the middle and ended up loving it & all there was the say about life & death.
Devan M.
Bellefonte, PA
A book about death, but it’s really about fully living. I’d definitely recommend to anyone looking for a unique, touching, thought-provoking, life-affirming read. Here’s to being cautiously reckless!