I am calm → Je suis calme

I am unbothered → Je suis indifférent

I am thriving → Je m’épanouis

Of all the many psychological tricks Layla Bailey had played on herself in preparation for ­this—​­only her second trip ever to her favorite…well, was it better to say, former favorite? Onetime favorite? nostalgic, painful, heartbreaking favorite?...city in the world—typing positive affirmations into her translation app was possibly the most personally embarrassing.

Worse than the hours she’d spent not just packing, but planning her packing, complete with careful searching online for aggressively neutral outfit ideas, the kind that she thought would make her seem quietly sophisticated, quietly committed to not pulling any awkward focus.

Worse than the Google Doc she’d labored over on late nights after long shifts, a ­color-coded itinerary that did little to soothe her, especially when her eyes encountered the blocks of time she’d turned bright yellow, unignorable reminders of the unavoidable.

Worse even than the breezy, dishonest text reply she’d sent off to Cara before the cabin doors closed.

I genuinely feel fine, I promise! she’d written to her closest friend, whose asks about this trip had grown increasingly concerned over the last two weeks, and whose most recent message had read, You can use me as an excuse if you want to cancel.

But this translation app trick?

This translation app trick had her feeling as though all her preparations had been in vain.